The Whisper You've Been Ignoring: 7 Steps to Move Past Fear and Do That Wild Thing
You know that little flutter in your stomach when you think about it? That thing you've been wanting to do but keep putting off?
Maybe it's as simple as trying a new hairstyle after 20 years with the same look. Perhaps it's finally booking that pottery class you've been eyeing for months. Or maybe it's something bolder – starting that small business you've been dreaming about for years, the one that would let you share your unique gifts with the world.
As midlife women, we often push these desires aside. We tell ourselves: "Maybe next year" "When I have more time" Or my personal favorite, "When I lose those 10 pounds."
I get it. I've been there.
For years, I navigated a difficult marriage while juggling multiple responsibilities - raising children, caring for aging parents, and running my own business. When chronic health issues, personal losses, and an empty nest converged, I found myself at a crossroads.
But beneath all the excuses and fears, there was always that curious, wild part of me - whispering, waiting, wondering what might happen if I just took that first step.
She was tired of being silenced. Tired of being told "not now" and "not yet."
So I finally faced my fears. I got a divorce. I sought help through therapy and coaching. I focused on my health. And eventually, I let that wild, curious part of me lead the way to a long-held dream - traveling internationally with my camera.
And you know what happened? That flutter in my stomach transformed into exhilaration. That tight knot of fear unraveled, and in its place bloomed something remarkable: Joy. Freedom. Possibility.
Our inner critic thinks it's keeping us safe, but how often does it just keep us small?
What desire have you been pushing aside? What adventure is your wild, curious self whispering about while your practical side lists all the reasons to wait?
It might be time to start listening to a different voice.
"Everything you want is on the other side of fear."
Being "wild" doesn't mean you have to climb Everest or quit your job to travel the world (though if that's your dream, go for it!). Being wild simply means listening to that quiet voice inside that's pointing you toward joy, toward growth, toward something that lights you up – no matter how small it might seem to others.
Why Midlife is the Perfect Time to Face Your Fears
There's something magical that happens when we cross into our 40s, 50s, and beyond. We've survived enough life challenges to know we're resilient. We've lived enough to recognize that many of our past fears never materialized. And most beautifully, many of us have reached the liberating stage of caring less about others' opinions.
As one of my clients recently shared after our coaching journey: "I'm the happiest I've been in years. I finally realized I was free to make choices for myself without worrying about everyone else's opinions."
This midlife wisdom gives us unique advantages when facing fears:
Life experience that provides perspective — You've weathered storms before and survived
Emotional resilience — You know how to process difficult feelings
Freedom from excessive people-pleasing — You've likely outgrown the need for universal approval
Greater self-knowledge — You know what truly matters to you now
Clearer priorities — You can better distinguish between what's essential and what's not
What Does "Wild" Really Mean?
Before we dive into the steps, let's clear something up. When I talk about making "wild" choices, I'm not suggesting you need to do anything extreme or reckless.
Being "wild" is about breaking free from your personal comfort zone – whatever that means for YOU.
In my coaching work with midlife women, I've seen "wild" take many different forms:
Trying a bold fashion choice after decades of playing it safe
Taking up a creative pursuit like painting, singing, or dancing
Learning a new skill that always seemed intimidating
Putting yourself out there socially after a long hiatus
Planning a physical adventure that challenges your comfort zone
Starting a fitness program that builds strength and confidence
Making health changes that honor your body at this stage of life
"Being wild is about breaking free from your personal comfort zone."
Each woman's "wild" is entirely personal. What feels adventurous to you might be everyday for someone else, and vice versa. The only thing that matters is that it brings you alive.
Remember: It's never too late to start something new, especially when it comes to your health and wellbeing. The woman who begins strength training at 55 still has decades to enjoy the benefits of a stronger body.
7 Steps to Move Through Fear and Into Action
Step 1: Name Your Wild Thing
The first step is giving language to what you truly want. Too often, we push desires away so quickly that we don't even allow ourselves to fully acknowledge them.
Take a moment now to consider: What have you been longing to do, try, learn, or experience? What lights you up when you think about it, even if it also scares you?
Remember, this isn't about what you "should" want or what would impress others. This is about what calls to YOU.
Some possibilities to spark your thinking:
Creative pursuits: Taking a pottery class, learning to paint, writing poetry, taking up photography
Physical adventures: Try paddle boarding, taking dance lessons, hiking a challenging trail, joining a fitness class
Health and wellness: Starting a strength training program, trying a new form of movement, changing your nutrition approach
Personal style: Changing your hairstyle dramatically, updating your wardrobe, experimenting with makeup
Social courage: Hosting a dinner party, joining a club, attending an event alone
Travel: Taking a solo day trip, planning a weekend getaway, visiting a new country
Learning: Taking a course, learning a language, developing a new skill
Relationships: Setting a boundary, initiating a difficult conversation, online dating
Childhood joys: Reconnecting with activities you loved as a child—singing, drawing, biking, or playing an instrument—before life responsibilities took over
My story: After my healing journey, I finally acted on a dream I'd tucked away for years – traveling internationally with my camera. When I finally took this "wild" step – boarding a plane alone with my camera and an open heart – it sparked a series of braver choices. This journey was just the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life.
Step 2: Unpack Your Specific Fears
Once you've identified what you want, it's time to look at what's holding you back. Fear is natural – it's part of being human. But not all fears are created equal, and naming them specifically helps diminish their power.
Common fears I hear from midlife women include:
"I'll look ridiculous" — especially for physical activities, fashion changes, or learning something new
"I'm too old to start" — particularly for skills traditionally learned younger
"I've never been good at this" — especially for creative or technical pursuits
"What will people think?" — for visible changes or choices
"I'll waste time/money" — for investments of resources
"I might fail" — for anything with uncertain outcomes (which is everything!)
"I don't deserve this" — for pursuits that feel like "luxuries"
"I'm being selfish" — for activities that take time away from others
"It's never too late to start something new."
Client story: I worked with a woman whose calendar was packed so full there was no time for herself. When we unpacked her fear, she realized she wasn't actually afraid of taking time alone—she was afraid that prioritizing herself meant she was "selfish”, a story she'd carried since childhood. We started small, scheduling mini-breaks just for her, and eventually built up to a monthly "play hooky day" where she could stay in her pajamas and do whatever she wanted, no responsibilities. Not only did she find her joy again, but she discovered that this time actually enhanced all of her relationships. Her fear of being "selfish" dissolved as she saw how much better she showed up for others when she first showed up for herself.
Step 3: Try the "So What?" Technique
This is one of my favorite coaching tools. For each fear you've identified, ask yourself: "So what if that happens?" Then follow each answer with another "So what?" until you reach the core of the fear.
I have a mug on my desk that asks: "What if it all works out?" It's a powerful reminder to consider the positive possibilities alongside our fears. Often, we're so busy imagining worst-case scenarios that we don't spend any time visualizing success.
Let's try an example of the "So What" technique:
"I want to take a painting class but I'm afraid I'll be terrible at it."
So what if you're terrible at it?
"People might laugh at my work."
So what if they do?
"I'll feel embarrassed and foolish."
So what if you feel embarrassed?
"I guess I'd feel uncomfortable for a while, but I'd survive."
So what else?
"I might not go back to the class."
So what if you don't go back?
"I will have still tried something new, and I can be proud of that."
Following fears to their conclusion often reveals that even the worst-case scenario is survivable. And most of the time, our fears never materialize to begin with.
My story: When deciding to leave my marriage, my "So What" exercise looked like this:
"What if people judge me for getting a divorce?"
So what if they do?
"They might think I'm a failure."
So what if they think that?
"I'll feel ashamed."
So what if you feel ashamed?
"I'll have difficult conversations and emotions."
So what if it's difficult?
"I'll get through it and build a new life that actually makes me happy."
This exercise helped me see that temporary discomfort was worth the authentic life waiting on the other side.
Step 4: Create a Fear-to-Action Ladder
Big dreams can feel overwhelming. Breaking them down into smaller steps creates a pathway through fear. I call this the "Fear-to-Action Ladder" – a series of increasingly brave steps toward your wild thing.
For example, if your wild dream is to start painting after decades of saying "I'm not artistic":
Watch some beginner painting tutorials online
Buy some basic supplies and try a simple exercise at home alone
Take a one-day workshop or single painting class
Sign up for a multi-week beginner course
Create a small gallery wall of your work in your home
Each step builds confidence for the next one. And sometimes, you might discover that an intermediate step actually satisfies what you were craving.
The beauty of this approach is that you can celebrate each step along the way, rather than feeling overwhelmed by the final goal. Many women I work with find that breaking down their "wild thing" into smaller steps makes it feel not just possible, but genuinely enjoyable.
Step 5: Find Your Fear-Facing Supporters
Not everyone in your life will understand or support your desire to try something new. And that's okay. What's important is identifying the people who will cheer you on rather than project their own fears onto you.
When I decided to start Age Wild, I was careful about who I shared my plans with initially. I chose people who had demonstrated:
They could be happy for others taking risks
They had taken brave steps in their own lives
They could listen without immediately offering warnings or "practical advice"
They celebrated growth and change
This does not mean you need cheerleaders who blindly support every idea without thoughtfulness. The best supporters ask good questions and offer perspective while still honoring your agency to make your own choices.
My story: When I was planning my first international photography trip, I found an online community of midlife women travelers with similar interests. One woman's post about her solo trip inspired me: "I was terrified of traveling alone, but I did it anyway. I didn't see everything on my list—but I DID IT and the memories were worth every moment!"
Step 6: Set a Timeline with Accountability
Vague intentions rarely overcome fear. "Someday" is where dreams go to die. Instead, create specific timeframes for your Fear-to-Action steps.
Effective timelines include:
Specific dates (not just "next month" but "May 15th")
Small, actionable first steps ("Research three pottery studios by Friday")
Accountability mechanisms that work for YOUR personality
Accountability can take many forms:
Telling a supportive friend and asking them to check in
Booking and paying for something in advance
Putting it on your calendar with reminders
Finding a "courage buddy" who's working on their own fear
Working with a coach who will hold space for both your excitement and your fear
I've found that women who actually schedule their brave steps—giving them the same importance as doctor's appointments or family obligations—are far more likely to follow through. Your calendar reflects your priorities, and your "wild thing" deserves its rightful place there.
Step 7: Celebrate Every Brave Step
This might be the most important step of all. When we acknowledge and celebrate our courage – regardless of outcome – we build the muscle for future brave choices.
Too often, we minimize our own bravery. We say things like "it wasn't that big a deal" or "anyone could have done that." But the truth is, doing something that scares YOU is always significant, even if it seems small to others.
After each step on your Fear-to-Action Ladder:
Acknowledge what you did
Name how it made you feel
Identify what you learned
Consider how this brave step might serve your next one
My story: After returning from my first photography trip, I celebrated by creating an album of my favorite images and shared them with close friends. I even wrote a blog called "Cathy Flew the Coop" about my experience (You can read some of those posts here). Sharing my journey and celebrating what I'd accomplished made planning the next adventure easier. These brave steps eventually led to finding the love of my life at age 55, moving to a new town, and building a life so beautiful that I became passionate about helping other midlife women find their own joy through Age Wild life coaching.
Your Fear-to-Action Worksheet
To help you implement these steps, I've created a special worksheet for Age Wild readers. This guide will walk you through:
Identifying your "wild thing"
Mapping your specific fears
Walking through the "So What?" technique
Building your personal Fear-to-Action Ladder
Creating your support and accountability plan
Establishing a celebration practice
Download your Fear-to-Action Worksheet here
What's Your "Wild Thing"?
I'd love to hear from you! In the comments below, share one thing you've been wanting to try or do. It can be something small or something big – what matters is that it lights YOU up.
And if you'd like personalized guidance on moving through fear toward your own "wild" choices, I invite you to book a complimentary 30-minute Wild Possibility Session. Together, we'll explore what's calling to you and create a pathway forward.
"Every wild and wonderful thing in your life is waiting just on the other side of fear."
Remember: Every wild and wonderful thing in your life is waiting just on the other side of fear. All you need to do is take the first small step.
